Relax
by Melissa Shane
Summary: Kyle's a doctor, Stan's a pro athlete, Kenny's a mechanic and for what everyone else knows, Cartman's a lawyer. Kyle hasn't spoken to Stan in ten years but that's about to change when his life is on the line thanks to Cartman or should he thank Cartman instead? South Park has always been filled with mysteries and Kyle is going to be in on the biggest one yet. (Kyman fic, bad plot)
1. Chapter 1

Heya! This is my first Kyman fan fiction so please be gentle. It's going to get pretty intense later on. So please review so I know what I'm doing right or wrong!

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.

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"_What do you mean, gay? You're joking, this can't be happening. You're not gay." Stan harshly stated at his former best friend. "You're just upset that Bebe went with Clyde and not you."_

"_I am gay Stan! I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to freak out!"_

"_How could you not tell me after all these years?! You slept in the same bed as me. You watched me change Kyle! How am I suppose to feel?" Stan pushed his shoulder, hard. Hard enough that Kyle fell to the ground, his graduation robes stained with the fresh summer grass. "How many times have you jerked off to me?! Nevermind, I don't want to know. Don't ever talk to me Kyle, I'm glad I'm going to a different college than you." _

"**Beep. Beep. Beep."**

Silence.

"**Beep. Beep. Beep." **

Kyle exhaled deeply as his emerald green eyes shot open. With his blood still boiling from his nightmare, he extended his hand to turn off his alarm. Kyle groggily pushed himself off from his bed as he placed his hands on his face. Trying to both calm himself down and wake himself up at the same time. After a few deep breaths, he pushed himself off the bed and began his daily routine.

His eyes were droopy, his mind was spinning and his heart was heavy. With one good look in the car mirror, he patted his cheeks in order to prepare himself for the day. Kyle made his way towards the entrance of Hells Pass Hospital, the time read 6:34 AM. He was always on the morning shift and for an ER doctor, he was lucky he didn't have to stay late or get called in too many times. Kyle had been with the hospital since he graduated Yale's Med school three years ago. Striving for nothing but the best, he settled with working as an ER doctor, because he wanted to be there to help out those when they needed it the most.

When the town heard that he was returning to South Park, everyone was skeptical. They didn't understand what would bring him back and whenever anyone would ask him, his only response would be that he wanted to help those who could not help themselves. There is more to it, but no one needed to know, nor did they ever bother to ask.

"Kyle!" The perky blonde at the nurses station cooed, handing him a few different colored folders. "Did you hear about the reunion? Seems like Wendy is in charge of it, her being class president and all. Can you believe it's been ten years? It feels just like yesterday I was checking out your ass in the hallways." Kyle rolled his eyes, a soft smile on his lips.

"It was just yesterday Bebe, I heard you very clearly comment on it." The woman blushed, shrugging her shoulders. "And besides, Clyde wouldn't be too pleased hearing you talk like that." Bebe shrunk in her chair. Kyle taped the folders onto the blondes poofy hair, a friendly chuckle leaving his lips.

"Well, anyways Kyle. I hope you're going to go. It would be nice… Seeing everyone together once again. Wendy can't wait to see you." Kyle scoffed, pretending to be interested in the papers in his hand.

"We'll see. I'll decide if I want to go or not. It would be nice, yes. But I'll only go if I can get off work." Bebe pouted as she leaned back in the chair.

"Yeah, Wendy wants you to meet the kids."

"How does Stan feel about that?" Kyle retorted, venom dripping in his words.

"Why wo-" Bebe began quickly getting cut off as an alarm rang, signaling them of an arriving ambulance. Bebe jumped up from her chair, running over to the telephone. "Yes? Heart attack? Okay, we will prepare." Kyle put his folders down on the counter, running down the hall towards the docking bay. Two large EMT members rushed out of the bed of the ambulance into the sliding doors of the ER room. Kyle beckoned them towards him, quickly going to the side of the person on the stretcher.

"Time since last episode?" He asked, a hand going to her wrist and his eyes going to his watch. "She's fading fast."

"Ten minutes ago, in the ambulance. We gave her a quick shot of medicine, but it didn't seem to do the trick." Kyle gave a nod, pulling out a small flashlight from his breast pocket. He moved to the woman's head and lifted up her eyelid, flashing the light in her eye. Her eyes twitched, responding to the actions. He let his eyes examine her features. He know he's seen her before, but he couldn't put his finger on it. She didn't look to be too old, but now wasn't the time to admire her features or how familiar she seemed to him.

"She's going into cardiac arrest. We have to stabilize her vitals." They rolled her into the proper room. Doctors and nurses began to file into the room. "Lift in three, two, one, go!" He commanded, switching her from the stretcher to an actual bed. "Start CPR while we get the defibrillator!" Kyle began running around the room, getting a needle and filling it with the proper medicine. He stuck the woman's arm, quickly dispensing the liquid into her bloodstream. He ripped open the top of her shirt, exposing her skin. After a moment, he turned around and began to rub the pads together on the defibrillator. "CLEAR!" He yelled, placing the pads near her heart and ribs. Her body jolted, the heart monitor going flat. Narrowing his eyes he looked around the room. The air seemed to leave the room, silence reverberating all around them. "Turn it up higher… CLEAR!" Kyle yelled, putting it on the woman again. It was getting close to the two minute mark, it was now or never… "CLEAR."

"_Beep…...Beep…..Beep…." _

Everyone exhaled deeply as they watched her heart rate increase to normal. The woman groaned loudly, not moving from her spot. Nurses and doctors flooded to her side, adjusting her in the bed and trying to get vital signs that weren't documented until now. Kyle placed the Defibrillator back in it's spot as he walked over to the EMT in the corner. "Did anyone ride with her? Any form of identification?" Kyle asked the man, a pale and shaking hand running through his curly red hair.

"Her son is in the waiting room, throwing a fit apparently… Mike went out to comfort him, but apparently he is having a difficult time." Kyle shook his head, tugging at the back of his hair in annoyance.

"Alright, I'll head out there to let him know." Kyle grabbed what paperwork he could with the events that just happened and with a deep sigh he straightened his back and walked out into the waiting room. "Who was with the woman that was just carried in?" Kyle asked, not looking up from his paperwork. All the color in his face flushed when he finally found out the womans name.

"I can't believe they let a kike take care of my mom." The deep voice harshly said as he approached Kyle, sending a shiver down his spine.

"C-C-Cartman…" Kyle mumbled, his voice shaking just as much as his fingers. He licked his lips desperately, his mouth going dry almost instantly.

"Just tell me how my mom is Kyle, I don't have time for this shit." Cartman demanded, peering down at Kyle. "And if you don't tell me everything that happened I will sue you, your job; fuck this whole town if I wanted to." Kyle gulped, closing his eyes to try and gain his composure. He stood up straight again, emerald green eyes opening and staring up into chocolate brown orbs swirling with worry and anger.

"She is stabilized Cartman. I did everything I could, but it's up to her now to recover. She's getting transferred to the Cardiac section of the hospital till they can transfer her to Denver." Kyle felt his cheeks turn red as he examined Cartmans features.

"You better have done every damn thing this fucking piece of trash hospital could do. I swear…" He crossed his arms over his chest, Kyle then noticed that he was wearing a fine designer suit, one that was obviously professionally tailored to suit his body.

"Right… It would help me out knowing what happened. I'm assuming you were the one to find her." Kyle pointed towards two empty seats on the side of the room. He began to walk over to them. He shook his head, trying to dismiss the feeling of being examined. Taking a seat in the chairs, he pulled out a yellow pen from his pocket and began to take notes. Cartman sat down next to him, his posture almost perfect.

"About time you asked for details kike." Kyle winced at the insult, but continued to take notes. "Well, we had just woken up. I was going to give her her medicine, she has HIV, so I need to make sure she takes it every morning." Cartman sighed tapping his fingers against his knees. Kyle noticed this and gave a sad smile.

"You still have that nervous habit…" Kyle mumbled as he observed the mans fingers. Cartman, understanding what he meant, brought his hands to his chest, grumbling.

"Shut the fuck up." He angrily whispered, trying to keep his voice down. "Anyways… I noticed that she wasn't really herself, she seemed to be in a sugar induced coma or something. She was there, but wasn't at the same time. It was like that time you forgot to take your insulin back in eleventh grade. Man that was funny, you eyes rolled to the back of your head and you seriously dented poor boys locker. Funniest thing that whole year." Cartman began laughing loudly. Kyle gripped his pen tightly, his eyes going up to the man.

"This isn't the time for that kind of laughter Eric! Your mom almost died! Fuck, have some sympathy!" Kyle yelled, stunning Cartman. His laughter faded as he lowered his head.

"Yeah… Right… Well my mom started breathing heavily, started to shake and shit, gripping her chest, so I called the ambulance while performing CPR. She was unresponsive until the EMT's got there…" Kyle finished the written report, looking over it quickly before closing the folder.

"Bring her medicine when you see her later, I want to make sure it doesn't interfere with what we might give her. You can either leave it with me, or Bebe… You remember her right?" Kyle put the folder in his lap, placing the pen back into his pocket. Cartman's eyes shot to Kyles face, nodding his head in acknowledgement.

"Who doesn't remember 'Big Tittied Bebe?' Nickname given by poor boy." Cartman responded, causing a sigh to leave Kyles lips. "But, yes yes. I'll bring the medicine you Jew." Cartman leaned back in the chair. "I didn't expect to have her come to the hospital while I'm back. Shit…" Kyle's thumb played with the folder, his eyes tracing the tiles.

"The reunions not for another month, why are you even here? Aren't you suppose to be in New York?" Kyle timidly asked, his voice low.

"None of your business Jew, take that big nose of yours and stick it in someone elses business." Cartman lashed back, standing up quickly. "I'll bring you the medicine." He coldly stated, walking away from Kyle and out of the hospital.

_What did I say?_


	2. Chapter 2

Hope you guys enjoy this! A bit of tension and giggles.

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

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"Is he going to be okay Dr. Broflovski?" The worried woman in the room asked, her husbands hands gripping onto her shoulder to show support. The man addressed sighed heavily, his own hand going to the woman's arm, squeezing it gently. He gave her a warm smile, his eyes filled with hope.

"He'll be just fine Ms. Mathews. He's got a broken hip and a sprained wrist. He's on medicine right now for the pain. Your father will be transferred in the morning where they can prep him for his hip replacement surgery." The woman sighed happily, her body relaxing after hearing the doctors kind words.

"Oh thank you so so much Dr. Broflovski! I'm so thankful to have you helping my father!" The man gave the woman another squeeze before letting his hand fall.

"I'm just doing my job." He smiled brightly and pointed over to the older gentlemen resting in the hospital chair. "The Nurse will be in shortly to give you more information about the doctor for tomorrow and the proper procedures. I'll check back with him later on in the evening. Have a wonderful night." The woman gave him friendly smile as she rushed over to her fathers side. Her husband followed suit, giving the woman the space needed. The Doctor smile as he walked out of the doorway and down the hall towards the nurses station.

"Kyle, you do amazing with the patients and their family. You would be wonderful as a specialized doctor, you know that right?" The Nurse in the station commented as she turned her body around to look at him. Kyle laughed, shrugging his shoulders.

"I get told that a lot Bebe, but I like helping out those who need immediate help. It makes me feel just as good." Bebe chuckled.

"That's very noble of you Kyle! How did confronting with Cartman go?" Bebe questioned, her eyes examining Kyle's features to see if she can get any hints from his expression. He turned his back to him, adjusting something on the desk. Exhaling deeply, Kyle rolled her shoulder.

"It went well. I'm not sure what else to tell you. He was obviously upset over his mother, and was the same old fatass from High School… Only not as fat it seems." Although he couldn't see it, Bebe raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Oh? I spoke to him for a few minutes when he was dropping off his mothers medication. I told him that you could speak with him, but he said he needed to go." While she was speaking she dug through a small zip-lock bag, handing it towards Kyle. Kyle turned back around and accepted the bag. He examined it closely, his eyebrows scrunching together in annoyance.

"This isn't a great medication for her since she has HIV… I'll make sure to inform the doctor before she leaves the wing." Kyle slipped the bag in his jackets pocket, the annoyed expression not leaving his face.

"I suppose you're right. Anyways, you're off in a few minutes, right?" She questioned, looking over files in her hands.

"I am, yes. I'm going to make a few more rounds on those who are spending the night. Then I'll be out. " Bebe gave a nod.

"Don't work yourself too hard, okay?" She cooed, her hand gripping his arm just as he did with the woman earlier. Kyle looked over to her, a soft, forced smile on his face.

"Of course."

After he made his rounds, and dropped off the medication for Ms. Cartman, he exited the hospital. Kyle shivered as the brisk November air hit his face. Without his old green hat, his head grew colder as each winter passed. Kyle shook his head, trying to ignore the memories building in his mind. Fumbling in his pockets, he grabbed his keys and entered his car. Kyle started the car and made his way towards Denver, hopefully drowning his sorrows with some old friends.

The ride took forty-five minutes and once he arrived to his destination, he pulled into a small parking lot. He looked at the time against his watch, 9:26 PM. Kyle got out of the car and made his way down a street and into a side alley. He glanced around every so often to make sure no one was paying too much attention to him. As he approached the alley, he exhaled deeply. There wasn't much to the alley, a stray cat and boxes upon boxes. The cat meowed, scurrying away once Kyle grew closer. He pouted at the cat, but turned his attention towards a large metal door. Although no one was around, he knew better. He brought his hand out from his pocket and tapped on the door in what would seem to be an odd pattern. After a moment, a window slid open.

"What's mama's favorite fruit." The gruff voice asked. Kyle blinked, nervously looking around before answering..

"A-Apples." He mumbled loud enough for the man to hear. The small window quickly shut, followed by the door opening up.

Once the door was open, loud pop music could be heard from inside. The man ushered Kyle in from the cold and Kyle obliged. He followed the narrow, blacklite hallway towards his destination, music growing louder with each step. The hallway opened up into a large bar area, followed by a dance floor and a cat-walk that branched out into three smaller sections. Kyle smiled as the familiar feelings rushed through him like a river in a rainstorm. The building was quite busy for a thursday evening. Kyle made his way to an empty seat at the bar.

"Alright boys, the night is young and so is our first dancer of the evenin'. He's a personal favorite of mine, so please show him a good time and he'll do just the same." The announcer's voice filled the club as the music shifted from upbeat pop to older pop hit's from the 80's. "The one… The only… Mysterion!" The crowd began to gather at the middle of the three catwalks, cheers and clapping echoed throughout the entire club. Kyle turned around, blinking as he recognized the song. He chuckled loudly, a hand going to his mouth as he tried to cover his laughter.

"_Relax, don't do it." _

The tall and skinny, yet muscular man bursted through the curtains, a hooded cape covering his head and shoulders. His eyes were equally as covered, only bright blue orbs could be seen through the darkness. His chest was bare and glistened with oil and glitter. Wearing purple tights and a very tight - leaving no imagination to the viewer - pair of shiny, metallic purple speedo the man dubbed as Mysterion slid across the floor on his knees towards the edge of the catwalk.

"_When you want to go to it."_

He extended his glistening arm towards a member of the crowd. He let the man place a few dollars in his palm before rolling over on his back. He pushed his pelvis up into the air, thrusting a few times as a few men placed more dollars into his speedo. He rolled over onto his stomach.

"_Relax, don't do it." _

He began to crawl towards a man in the middle. His tongue slithered out of the darkness of his hood, desire very apparent in his eyes. A few men squealed, throwing crumpled up bills at the man. Mysterion grinned, showing pearly white teeth as he quickly jumped up to his feet.

"_When you want to come."_

In one quick motion. The man pulled at a seemingly invisible string against the cape. He flung the cape off into the crowd, leaving the hood on his head, his bulging shoulder muscles flexing at the action. He turned around, shaking his hips in a very seductive manner. Kyle squinted his eyes at the letters on the backside of the speedo, a loud laugh leaving his lips and leaving him breathless. "Enter here" was written on the speedo, causing more men to gasp and cheer in happiness. By the end of the song, Mysterion threw his fist into the air, before turning his body around and groping his own bulge in the speedo. More money was thrown as the song transitioned into another one.

"Boy-howdy, that was a rockin' good show! Next up is the fabulous Spacey!" The announcer cooed, letting men continue to hoot and holler. Kyle continued to laugh as he turned his body around back towards the bar. The man behind the bar giggled softly as he adjusted something on his waist, turning his attention towards the customers. After a few moments he noticed Kyle, happily bouncing over to the man. "Kyle! Fancy seein' you here!" The man with a small puff of blonde hair squeaked over the loud music. Kyle smiled, extending his hand backwards.

"Haven't seen his show in a while, figured I'd get here in time to see him in action." Kyle laughed, causing a flush of color to graze the other man's cheeks.

"Well dang, didn't know you liked my man like that Kyle." The blonde teased, leaning his elbows on the counter. "What'll you be havin' tonight?" He asked, tilting his head to examine Kyle. Kyle's cheeks flushed red, blending in with his hair.

"Oh, you know I don't like Kenny like that Butters, he's been yours since we graduated High School." Kyle coughed, rubbing his cheeks to hide the blush. "A-And… I'll have a whiskey and sour."

"Comin' right up!" Butters cooed, turning around and quickly getting to work. There was another bartender this evening, taking care of everyone else. After a few minutes, Kyle had his drink in his hand, sipping on it lightly. "Haven't seen you around here in a while." Butter's commented, his attention going towards the men on the stage. He cheered, watching the man do a split with ease. Kyle turned around just in time to watch him go down, wincing loudly as he imagined the pain that would follow.

"I've been pretty busy at work. With the weather getting cold, people aren't taking care of themselves." Kyle shrugged, taking a bigger sip this time. "I uh… I had a date the other week…" Kyle commented. Butters squealed, grabbing Kyles hand.

"Oh!? Tell me everything! C'mon, let's go to the booth." Butters let go of his hand, walking around the bar with his own drink in his hand. He grabbed Kyle by the forearm, leading him along. Kyle chuckled, making sure to grab his drink as he followed. The made their way towards a booth in the far corner. Close to the stage, but still in view of the bar and the entrance. Butter's had his back towards the entrance, but was still able to see the dancers. "So, what's his name?" Butter's began, taking the small red straw from his drink and stirring it delicately.

"Well, his name is Greg. He's an old Med school acquaintance of mind. He found me on that site you told me to sign up for. We went to dinner and that was it." Kyle sighed, leaning back into the booth, spinning his drink slightly as well. Kyle could see Butters pout as he finished his story.

"Awe shucks, nothin' fun happened?" Kyle shook his head, causing another sigh to leave the blondes lips. "That's no fun… Come around here more often! I'm sure you'll find someone!" Butters giggled, bringing his drink to his mouth. He took a large sip, almost spitting it out when he lurched forward. Kyle jumped, raising an eyebrow towards the man. "Did'ja hear!? The ten year reunion is comin' up!" Kyle blinked, tilting his head.

"Bebe told me earlier today." Kyle looked down. "I wonder who is going to go. Apparently Wendy is in charge of everything." Kyle shrugged.

"Probably a bunch of the old gang! Say, they all know right?" Butters questioned. As Kyle was tilting his head back, he noticed someone come through the entrances hallway. He brought the glass down, narrowing his eyes at the person. Although the club was filled with mostly black lights and neon lights of every color, he could still barely make out the men's figure.

"What's gotcha spooked?" Butters questioned, turning his body halfway out of the booth to look in the direction Kyle was looking at. "Well I'll be damned… How did he get the password?" Butters mumbled. Kyle felt his breathing stop as his hands shook. The glass dropped from his hand and crashed onto his lap, spilling over his clothes.

"I have to go, he can't see me here." Kyle said, he stood up quickly causing the glass to fall and shatter onto the floor. Thankfully the music was too loud for the shattering glass to be heard. Butters turned to look at Kyle, who was already up and rushing past the man who had just entered. He kept his head low, but his curly red hair helped him stick out like a sore thumb. He didn't notice the man turning towards him, all he could focus on was his feet and getting out of the building.

Kyle walked fast out of the door, towards his car and thankfully made it into his car without anyone stopping him. He put the car in reverse and pushed the gas, getting onto the highway. His mind was racing faster than his car could go.

_Why… Why would he be there? _

_Why is he back in town?_

_Does he know?_

_He can't… No no… He doesn't care about me…_

_No one does…_


End file.
